Anything that claims to be “no chip” is obviously lying (why I will never get another manicure with gel polish)

Apologies for the lack of posts.  I went on vacation for the weekend for my baby niece’s birthday and my days were filled with trips to the pumpkin patch and smiles the size of the equator.  Next time I’ll put some in the queue.

Anyway, before I went on vacation, I went to the nail salon to get a “no chip” manicure.  For anyone who doesn’t know what they are, it’s a manicure that’s not supposed to chip.  Wonk, wonk.  Basically, you use a special polish and stick your hands in some device that has a light inside and your manicure is supposed to be perfect for a couple of weeks.  First of all, that shit took FOREVER.  Like, longer than an hour.  I know, manicures are supposed to be relaxing or whatever, but I like to get in, get out and get on with my day.  Secondly, I used an OPI polish because I read somewhere that if you use a regular gel polish, your nails will get weak and break or tear off, and since I always get complimented on what nice nails I have when I get them done, I was not about to have some zombie hands, no matter how close it is to Halloween.  Of course, I looked through all the swatches, and what do I pick without even knowing the name of the polish?  OPI Ink AKA my go-to purple.  I wear that shit ALL THE TIME, but somehow, it looked different when it was a gel.

I’ll give it to the “no chip,” that shit dried quickly and didn’t smudge, even when I accidentally bumped my hand against the back of the machine that has the light inside.  But then I got home.  And then I realized that on one of my nails, my tech didn’t buff a piece of glitter off or something and there was a giant bubble.  Now, I have this thing where I paint all the way down to my cuticles.  I don’t like there to be any part of my nail exposed.  Well, not only were the sides of my nails bare, but down towards my cuticles, the coats of polish were so thin that I could peel the shit off.  Seriously?  I had peel off nail polish in a Tinkerbell bottle when I was a kid, I certainly don’t need that now.  And finally, I got a giant chip on the tip of my index finger on my left hand after THREE DAYS.  #1: I am right handed.  That’s not even my dominant hand.  #2: How the hell did it chip on the side?  I purposely watched what I was doing so I wouldn’t get chips, and yet, there it was.  On a “no chip” freaking manicure.

Needless to say, by the time my vacation was over, (with seven days total wear time) I had an entire nail full of polish that was peeling off by itself and a giant chip on my left hand’s thumb, which caused my nail to break.  And to get that shit “soaked off?”  It’s just the foil method.  I do that myself when I’m working with a really gnarly glitter polish.  Plus, just before I got the first chip, I realized how bored I was with one color and that I couldn’t even put any glitter top coat over it or it would defeat the purpose.  Next time I go on vacation, I’ll just bring an emergency polish with me in case my nails start to look rough.  Never again, gel polish manicure, never again.


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